In high school, I failed typing class. I had been a good student until then. I had done my work and gotten good grades. Failing that class kind of shocked me, I guess because it seemed like I should have been able to do it. It really stayed with me, too. I remember after that, telling myself that I couldn’t type, that my brain just didn’t work that way, that I was slow, that I couldn’t do it without looking, that it just wasn’t my thing, and on and on. I felt dumb. I made excuses and on some level believed them… for years. But that’s the thing, I knew I was making excuses and thinking negatively. I’m sure I hadn’t really tried that hard either. It was just the first time that I had run into something in school that was challenging. Maybe I needed to put some extra effort into it to be successful. Do you think maybe, way back then, that I was creating a trapped emotion and was in the process of forming some negative beliefs? I know that I was.
Back then, I never thought that I would really need to know how to type. That was for secretaries and I wasn’t going to be a secretary. I was going to be an artist and a mom and they don’t need typing. As time went on, calculators got really popular, then computers. I avoided taking any classes in college that required using them because I didn’t know how.
Then I married a nerd. Yes, Dr. Brad was a nerd, big time! He didn’t have broken glasses or a pocket protector but he loved computers and was absolutely fascinated with them! I loved that he was smart and enthusiastic and excited about life, but when it came to him being that way about computers, I just watched patiently and bit my tongue. He was in love with them.
Brad was in love with me, too. Everything in my world was great except for one thing. I actually resented the amount of time he spent using our new Compaq computer, the one that we bought instead of a couch. A few years passed and our computer got old, and became obsolete. We bought another computer. Still no sign of a couch, but who needed that? The floor was fine. It was kind of a joke with us. Another joke was that I was a “computer widow.” I guess because Brad had died and gone to heaven and I was alone while he was computing.
He understood things about computers that none of his friends did. People called him day and night and interrupted our home life because they knew he could fix their computer problem or answer their questions. Being the nice person that he is, he loved to accommodate. Eventually he formed a little business called the Computer Tutor while he was in school getting his premed classes done. I was amazed as he taught himself how to program computers to do specific things to make life easier and as he learned how to fix everything that could go wrong with computers. He even wrote the software for the admissions department at the chiropractic college he attended. They were always calling him out of his classes to fix the computer issues for the school. In spite of it, he graduated with honors. I don’t know how he did it all.
I had no idea how computers worked. I stayed away from them, continuing to see them as the enemy, but longed for the day that I could just talk to a computer and it would do the typing for me. Funny thing is, that day is here. There is a dictation program on my Macbook Air, and I am typing… I guess deep down I must want to prove to myself that I can type, that I can learn to use computers, and that my brain does work, just as well as everybody else’s. Maybe I have decided I want to join the rest of the human race after all, and learn to use computers, starting with typing.
One thing I have learned in life is that we all have weaknesses and insecurities of one kind or another. We can face them and get beyond them, if we want to. We can grow or deny growth. Denial is when you avoid dealing with your weaknesses and continue to hold on to the same old thoughts, excuses, and feelings, just to stay stuck in your comfort zone. Deep down, that comfort zone may not be truly comfortable, when you really get honest with yourself. So you can choose to progress or get left-behind, feeling your self-imposed limits.
Isn’t it amazing that old feelings that aren’t relevant in your life anymore can hold so much influence over you? What’s even more amazing is that we tend to hold on so tightly to defend and justify those negative feelings and old reasons for not moving forward. It doesn’t really make sense to work against ourselves this way, does it?
Maybe there is something in your life or relationships that feels stuck. There might be some aspect of your business that is hung up. Maybe there is something that you need to learn. You might be like a lot of people, not sure what to do next. You might be stuck because of some trapped emotional energy and incorrect thinking. If that is the case, you can change your situation. For me to be typing is almost miraculous! It’s really fun to be writing. I’m hoping that you might take a look to see where you feel stuck. Consider if you’d be happier if you decided to make a change by letting go of your trapped emotions.
Recognizing that trapped emotional energy prevents you from feeling able to move forward is really like standing at a locked door holding the key. You can put the key into the lock and turn it, open the door, and look to find the possibilities ahead. With your confidence restored, you never know what might happen. You may find a new talent, a new dream, or a new interest. Who would have ever thought that I would become a writer? I still have a lot to learn on the computer, but I’m not as mad about it anymore.
By: Jean Nelson